Home. I’m at home, about as close to my comfort zone as it gets, finishing up my internship at Internationaal Theater Amsterdam. I started working from home in October, about two months after the start of my internship and about seven months after Covid-19 shook up life on the otherwise ever-so-utopian continent of Europe. Nonetheless, while I have spent most of my internship in my comfort zone physically, I feel like mentally, I have spent most of my internship out of my comfort zone. And as much as I hate to say it – I love my comfort zone! – That’s where you learn the most.
On the first day of my internship, I was extremely nervous. I was a Bachelor’s student about to work with Master’s graduates, a Shakespeare novice about to help promote a show by some (apparently renowned) fellow named Édouard Louis, and a 21-year-old about to work in a 126-year-old building. I had been in theatres countless times before because of my parents’ jobs, but everything about the place made me feel like I had entered the Killer Queen of the Dutch theatre universe. That, and the fact that I was alone and unexperienced working office jobs, made me feel very insecure at first.
At first. Because what goes comes up must come down, and anxiety is no exception to that rule. I got to know the people, the repertoire, the audience, and the ins and outs of my department’s day-to-day practice way faster than I thought I would. Settling into the company and being able to hold up my new office job-lifestyle made me feel proud. I realized I was able make working life work!
Despite being able to temper my newcomer anxiety, my confidence and pride was still regularly alternated by myriad negative sentiments. I was often beating my brains out trying to make out if my co-workers liked me and thought I was doing a good job. I made hundreds of simple mistakes and got frustrated about the sense of incompetence and embarassment towards my coworkers that would often give me. I had to get used to organizational hierarchy and giving in to other people’s verdicts because I, as an intern, am no Oracle of Communication Wisdom (yet!). These things were new to me. However, I realized that making mistakes and feeling uncomfortable at times is part of the deal for most interns, and looking back, I realize I did mostly overcome those struggles I had. I feel much more comfortable and stable working at ITA now than I did before.
Right, I also learned to design newsletters, set up webpages, manage corporate social media pages and so much more about the real life practice of communications. But to be frank, I reckon the value of my (and, probably, your) internship lies in the fact that you get to experience how you uniquely fare in a new, professional, and sometimes challenging social environment that you will inevitably come across after your studies as well. Covid-19 holds us back in many ways, but I learned lessons about myself both working in-office and from home. Get in your seat, take in your surroundings (whether that be an office or your bedroom), and enjoy the show. It will be thought-provoking, for sure.
Good luck with your internship, or as they say in Dutch theatre: Toi-toi-toi!