Hi there! My name is Elina, and I am the biggest blob of anxiety you have ever met. Somehow, I never learned how to ask for help, which led to lots some challenges during my internship journey (and, well, life in general). If this is something you struggle with as well, I wrote tips on how to best approach asking for help.
1. Realizing you need help
The first step is honestly harder than it sounds. It’s easy to think you can handle everything on your own, especially being an adult. However, acknowledging that you struggle is very important. Some signs that it’s time to ask for help include (but are not limited to!) experiencing a lot of stress, loneliness, substance abuse, fatigue, irritability… the list goes on.
2. Knowing who to ask
Finding the right person to confide in is very important. You can either choose someone who has experience related to your issue, or simply someone who you’re closest with. You can even ask for help from multiple people!
3. Choose the right circumstances
The timing of your request is also very important. If a person is too busy, they might not be emotionally available. I’d say always request a private meeting (even with a friend) to discuss your situation, this way, you can both focus on the conversation.
5. How to communicate your request.
First and foremost, remember: it’s okay to admit you’re struggling. Try to be as honest and vulnerable as possible. You can start this conversation by saying how hard it is for you to ask for help. From my experience, if you share some vulnerability at the start of the dialogue, it promotes empathy. Generally, people do care about others and if you approach them with honesty, it’s very unlikely that they will refuse to assist you. Pro tip: I’ve read somewhere that it is also better if you don’t apologize for asking. Saying you’re sorry gives the impression that you’re painting the task in a negative light, which makes people less open to help.
6. Follow up
After receiving help, my advice is to always follow up with the person who helped you. Even a short “thank you” is sufficient. I would also include a little description of how I’m doing and how their advice has helped. This will likely strengthen your relationship with that person and will make it easier for you to ask for help again in the future.
Conclusion
Asking for help is just like riding a bike. It takes practice (unless you are Dutch and were probably born knowing how to do it – if that’s the case, think of swimming) but once you get the hang of it, it becomes much easier. Also, asking for help doesn’t mean you’re weak. I think it actually means you are strong, vulnerable, and a badass.
I still struggle with it but these tips have made it a bit better for me. I hope they also help you on whatever journey you’re on (be it studies, internship, or life in general).
Best of luck!